Lately I haven feeling completely depleted. Empty and as if my well of care for myself is running thin. This past week when I went for lunch with a friend after class I confessed something to her I was horribly embarrassed about and ask she understand as I spoke. My big confession?
I had ignored a text from a friend, did not answer. She wait for me to explain why and in my hesitation asked.
“because she always, invariably asks for something from me and I just can’t right now.” generally she will start the conversation off flowery and complimentary. You look great, I love your leggings, are you losing weight, generally superficial but none the less gracious…then after a few moments or minutes the conversation sinks to her and what she needs.
Perhaps you know someone like this. It genuinely hurts, especially right now when I am consciously trying to surround myself with those who know I need to be taken care of. They may not do so much as hug me when they see me, but that in itself is a gift and fills me up.
Then my friend said something profound…”why don’t you just say No?” hmmmm…
NO. its a complete sentence. I grew up with the idea that we must serve, give back and offer to help whenever asked. Yet somewhere in this idea the person who we should offer the most service too is lost. place the oxygen mask on ourselves first then help. What do we need to replenish the well, the place of depletion.
My friend went on further to explain her 60 day initiative of self care. At first skeptical the initiative is nothing more then filling your life with small gifts to yourself. not necessarily the shopping trip to Bloomingdales, or Intermix that leave you sadly paying a credit card bill at the end of the month. But rather small shifts in diet, reconnecting with an old friend you have lost touch with, hot baths instead quick showers, yoga classes. In essence, making time for oneself.
What do you do to fill yourself, can you see yourself as the most important person in your life and are you taking care of yourself? Is no difficult for you as well?
Ishvara pranidhana- self study and surrender to god. I believe we are a part of god, in that way the surrender to ourselves the personal care and honoring of ourselves will enable us to take care of those around us more effectively.